I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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