so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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