You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
