i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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