I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
