C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
