why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
