just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize