brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
