guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
