Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
