we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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