no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
