as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
