1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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