the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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