I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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