he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Drunk is not a location!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
