His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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