just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
