He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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