When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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