My balls are so social today.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
