i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
