i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and she was petting her beer can
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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