i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
