i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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