Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
