Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
