chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
