dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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