I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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