His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
