I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
