Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm both gender and math confused
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
