Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
