last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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