yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
