I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
