WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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