You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
