I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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