You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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