I am puke
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
