I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ttyl tear gas
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
