i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
