It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
