But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
