last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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