Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
