East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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