he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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