I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
