he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
