i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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