She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
